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Excel,  44  40 Bytes =MOD(3-SIGN(1+LEN(A1)-2*FIND(",",A1)),3) Finds the difference between Total Length + 1 and twice the position of the comma (Negative: Left; Zero: Tie; Positive: Right), use SIG …

VBA: 225 233 Bytes Sub b() For c = 99 To 0 Step -1 GoSub d GoSub d Debug.Print "Take one down and patch it around" c = c + 5 - Int(rnd() * 20) If c < 0 Then c = 0 GoSub d Debug.Print Next c Exit Su …

Excel, 97 bytes =VLOOKUP(Hour(Now()),{0,"Zzz";6,"Good morning";12,"Good afternoon";18,"Good evening";20,"Zzz"},2) Start with the list of cases 0 <= HOUR < 6 : "Zzz" 6 <= HOUR < 12 : "Good mor …

VBA (Excel), 27 28 bytes ?"Hi"Mid([A1],4)", I'm VBA! Input goes in cell A1 of the Active Sheet in Excel, run code in the Immediate Window Takes advantage of the fact that "SomeString"SomeValue a …

SQL, 25 24 23 bytes (-1 Byte Removed a mistyped character that was always commented out and doing nothing) (-1 Byte Changed SELECT to PRINT as recommended by Razvan Socol) PRINT 2/* *2+1--*/-1 -- …

VBA, 60 59 49 Bytes For l=1To 30:?Spc(30+i)"+":i=i+Sgn(Rnd()-.5):Next Paste it in the Immediate window and hit enter. (Make sure explicit declaration is turned off!) Far more likely to move than …

Excel, 399 Bytes =CHOOSE(1+20*RAND(),"It is certain","It is decidedly so","Without a doubt","Yes definitely","You may rely on it","As I see it, yes","Most likely","Outlook good","Yep","Signs point to …

VBA, 144 bytes Sub f(i) Dim w(9) As Long For x = 0 To 9 s = "|" For y = 0 To 9 s = s & w(y) If i * Rnd() < 1 Then w(y) = 1 Next Debug.Print s; "|" Next End Sub Indented for easier reading: Sub f …

Excel, 28 bytes =REPT(2,A1+1)-10^MAX(A1-1,1) Uses 2 for cars, and 1 for Corridor Makes a list of 2s n+1 long, then subtracts the larger of 10^(n-1) and 10: n=1 : 22 - MAX(1,10) = 12 n=2 : 22 …

Excel, 86 81 Bytes =SUM(B1,A2,B3,C2)+B2*(AND(A1:A3)+AND(A1:C1)+AND(C1:C3)+AND(A3:C3))/(SUM(A1:C3)=5) Old: When the 'impossible' output was -1 =IF(SUM(A1:C3)=5,SUM(B1,A2,B3,C2)+B2*(AND(A1:A3)+AN …

VBA, 54 51 Bytes (-3 bytes now that leading & trailing 0-character lines are confirmed as permitted) x=Len([A1]):For i=-x To x:?Left([A1],x-abs(i)):Next Just a simple loop from -Length to Length …

Excel, 85 Bytes =IF(OR(DAY(A1)>12,MOD(A1-DATE(YEAR(A1),DAY(A1),MONTH(A1)),7)=0),TEXT(A1,"ddd"),"???") Input the date into cell A1 Since Excel will automatically evaluate the date into a valid form …

Excel, 38 bytes =AND(ISERROR(FIND({12,3,21},A1+2*A2))) Input is 2 strings (1 for each row of the maze), in cells A1 and A2, with 1 for a Wall, and 0 for a space. First, it adds the first row, and twi …

Excel, 156 bytes =TRIM(MID("two threefour five six seveneightnine ten jack queenking ace",1+MOD(A1,13)*5,5))&" of "&CHOOSE(1+(A1/13),"hearts","diamonds","spades","clubs") Cards from 0-51. Unfor …

Excel, 97 63 Bytes =A1=2*4^(ROUND(LOG(A1,4),0))-2^(ROUND(LOG(A1,4),0))-1 Calculates 2 numbers: Twice the nearest Power of 4 >Num|Binary|2*Power4|Binary > 1| 1| 2* 1= 2| 10 > 2| …