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Java 8, 96, 64 52 bytes ()->(""+java.nio.ByteOrder.nativeOrder()).charAt(0); A golf based on this SO answer. All credit goes to @LeakyNun and @AlanTuning. Java keeps the loosing streak. 96 bytes: ch …

Java, 313 306 322 bytes I hope this beats PHP... And nope. Stupid long function names. -7 thanks to @quartata for getting rid of public +16 to fix an error when the split was exact, thanks to @TheCode …

Python 2.7, 156 149 135 131 bytes Screw efficiency, as long as it's short. Saved 7 bytes thanks to @TuukkaX on the import statement Saved 14 bytes thanks to @KevinLau-notKenny for negative list indice …

Brainfuck, 114 103 98 90 76 71 bytes Another trivial (now non-trivial) solution, but this time is BF! Saved 14 (!) bytes thanks to @primo. Saved 4 more bytes thanks to @primo's suggestion to generate …

Python 2, 289 bytes Simple brute force algorithm. Treats entire list as a number in base max(input)+1 (b), and checks each "number" in the range [0, b**(L*M)) to see if it: Sums to the correct amount …

Java 8, 265 244 229 bytes This is my first answer, but I have been reading this site for a while and think I know what I'm doing. At least it beats befunge and SQL... Unfortunately, like other answe …

Python 2.7, 70 82 bytes I couldn't figure out how to get it on 1 line. Call with e("abcde",0) def e(s,p): f=len(s) for x in range(f):print(' '*p+s[:x+1]) if f>1:e(s[1:],p+1)

Python 3, 388 398 373 371 bytes Assumes 256 memory cells. Just a straightforward implementation, easily beatable, probably can be golfed more. Try it on repl.it. Thanks to @EasterlyIrk for having me …

Matricks, 180 bytes (noncompeting) Matricks is a new esolang I created very recently to deal with matrix problems (such as this one), by only having 2 data types: floats and matricies. It is not full …

Matricks, 24 bytes Matricks is a new esolang I invented to deal with matrices. Run like: python matricks.py [[<num1>,<num2>]] mg:;+c:1:g:1;-g:;;kp{};; This is a simple answer. Matricks has a built …

Python 2.7, 752 728 bytes Wow, this is like a bunch of code golfs in one challenge! Thanks to @Neil for shortening a lambda def b(s,o,p): t,f=s>':'and(ord,chr)or(int,str);s,o=t(s),t(o);d=cmp(o,s) …

Java, 1887 1866 bytes Try in on Ideone Saved 21 bytes due to unneeded "public" headers (Thanks to @Bálint!) Not exactly a golfing challenge, but hey, why not? I feel Java might actually be the best la …

Matricks, 37 bytes m:26:26;Fs::[m90-Q:26-Q:26-Q;];:1:26; Simple enough. Sets it to a blank 26x26 matrix, then consecutively overwrites the top left square with the correct ascii value. Run with pytho …

Matricks, 80 62 bytes An iterative solution (Recursion in Matricks is hard...) Run with python matricks.py ihih.txt [[]] <input> --asciiprint k124;FiQ%2:v;b[m124:Q*2+3:1;];a{z:Q*2+1;};:b;v[m45:1:Q*2+ …

Hexagony, 56 bytes This is awful, but I just wanted to do it in Hexagony :) Golfed: ,<_..){/"./..\&..$@....>;{.....'..>"+"+"&"='&'&=}\}=.:(< In a hexagon: , < _ . . ) { / " . / . . \ & . …