PHP - 568 570570 567 bytes / 555552 characters
first: thank you for the competition, it was a nice challange even if I wount win with this solutions in this stage.
based on the PHP-ideas obove but even very efficient I think:
<?=str_replace(range('-','_'_),split(q," 2=5letFdown5run arUndCdese@5:cry5sayVoodbye5Da liAhu@q [e'SJn each<for sQlongLr hear;achO but\9shyGK ]nside we boTBwha;goEn [e8gamAweM>plKq ] just wRna?H1Yotta :understRdq3)2, n4 (Yq howIfeelO q Z4q6Pq7giSq Z7qiS=)qeSr>qBTe qUMNQqmakeFqt's been q oTer qFupqVonna q Dqrt HqeCqJ q Rd qtell qO oq H qN sqyUq I'm q knowqay itq\Uq'req toqingq (Oohqo qanqveqthqouq gq AqDqGqNqWq YqI"),"[eM nQstrRgersN loSL8rulesCsQdQ]W full commitment's whatITinkEfL wUldn'tVet Tis from Ry<guy/-.Wnd ifFask me1Xon't?me y9blindGee-- P,V3,V006. /---")?>;
any hints?