## PHP, <s>95</s> <s>93</s> <s>89</s> 87

    <?=strtr(_1.intval([a6n,sot,c8c,lba,vf1,vf2][strlen($argn|aa)-2],33),_134256,$argn.=0);

Basically @JörgHülsermann's [answer](https://codegolf.stackexchange.com/a/123516/29637) but greatly golfed down so I decided to post it as a seperate answer. I'd count this answer as an collective effort of me and Jörg.

    -4 bytes thanks to @JörgHülsermann
    -1 bytes thanks to @JörgHülsermann's base 33 numbers