Your task is to pit each side of the keyboard against each other and build two programs, in the same language, one using only keys on the left-hand side of a standard keyboard that outputs `Pollinium milk; plump pumpkin; lollipop?`, and one using the keys on the right that outputs `Weatherheaded sweetheart haberdasheress!`.

## Rules

The exact keys allowed for the left-hand program are:

    123456!@#$%^QWERTYqwertyasdfghASDFGH`zxcvb~ZXCVB

and for the right-hand program:

    7890-=&*()_+uiop[]UIOP{}jkl;'\JKL:"|nm,./NM<>?

There are four free keys `Esc` (`\x1b`), `Tab` (`\x09`), `Space` (`\x20`) and `Enter`(`\x0a` and/or `\x0d`) which can be used in either, neither, or both solutions.

Your score will be the total byte count for both programs. Whilst I've used the term `program`, your submissions can either be full programs, or functions as usual, and both can be different types (eg. one full program, and one function).

Your result must include the desired text, any amount of leading and trailing whitespace is fine, as long as the exact text appears within it.

[Standard loopholes are forbidden][1].

The shortest solutions in each language win.

  [1]: https://codegolf.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1061/9365