Challenge

Given a single letter (a-z) as input, output the 2 lines of Blackalicious' Alphabet Aerobics that correspond to that letter (ignoring the intro & outro).

Rules

• You may take input by any reasonable, convenient means as long as it's permitted by standard I/O rules.
• Input must either be case insensitive or consistently uppercase or lowercase.
• Output may be a newline separated string or an array/list of two strings.
• Output must be formatted (capitalisation, punctuation, etc.) exactly as it appears in the test cases below.
• Trailing spaces and newlines are not allowed.
• This is so lowest byte count wins.

Test Cases

Each code block below is what should be output for each letter a-z, respectively.

Artificial amateurs, aren't at all amazing
Analytically, I assault, animate things

Broken barriers bounded by the bomb beat
Buildings are broken, basically I'm bombarding

Casually create catastrophes, casualties
Canceling cats got they canopies collapsing

Detonate a dime of dank daily doin' dough
Demonstrations, Don Dada on the down low

Eating other editors with each and every energetic
Epileptic episode, elevated etiquette

Furious, fat, fabulous, fantastic
Flurries of funk felt feeding the fanatics

Gift got great, global goods gone glorious
Gettin' godly in his game with the goriest

Hit em high, hella height, historical
Hey holocaust hints, hear 'em holler at your homeboy

Imitators idolize, I intimidate
In a' instant, I'll rise in a' irate state

Juiced on my jams like Jheri curls jockin' joints
Justly, it's just me, writing my journals

Kindly I'm kindling all kinds of ink on
Karate kick type Brits in my kingdom

Let me live a long life, lyrically lessons is learned
Lame louses just lose to my livery

My mind makes marvelous moves, masses
Marvel and move, many mock what I've mastered

Niggas nap knowing I'm nice, naturally
Knack, never lack, make noise nationally

Operation, opposition, off not optional
Out of sight, out of mind, wide beaming opticals

Perfected poem, powerful punchlines
Pummeling Petty powder puffs in my prime

Quite quaint quotes keep quiet it's Quannum
Quarrelers ain't got a quarter of what we got, uh

Really raw raps, risin up rapidly

Super scientifical sound search sought
Silencing super fire saps that are soft

Tales ten times talented, too tough
Take that, challengers, get a tune up

Universal, unique, untouched

Verb vice lord victorious valid
Violate vibes that are vain, make em vanish

Why I'm all well, what a wise wordsmith just
Weaving up words, weeded up on my workshift

Xerox, my X-radiation holes extra large
X-height letters and xylophone tones

Yellow-back, yak mouth, young ones' yaws
Yesterday's lawn yardsale, I yawned

Zig-Zag zombies, zooming to the zenith
Zero in, zen thoughts, overzealous rhyme ZEA-LOTS!

• I didn't downvote, but the challenge doesn't seem very interesting because the text lacks structure to allow clever compression tricks – Luis Mendo Jun 16 '17 at 11:26
• @LuisMendo, you'd imagine someone would have seen fit to mention that in the week this was sitting in the Sandbox, wouldn't you? But, no, all it got there were 4 upvotes and a few comments, none of which provided any constructive feedback. Which makes me question the point of having a Sandbox at all! – Shaggy Jun 16 '17 at 11:31
• I agree, downvotes without comments are not very useful, specially in the sandbox – Luis Mendo Jun 16 '17 at 11:35
• @Shaggy The sandbox is just a place where you can draft your challenges. In order to get suggestions and feedback you actively have to ask people about the things you're not sure about. – flawr Jun 16 '17 at 12:40
• @flawr, search TNB for "Alphabet Aerobics" ;) - and they're just the ones I "oneboxed". – Shaggy Jun 16 '17 at 13:00

PHP, 1678 bytes

<?=ucfirst($argn),strtr(explode(_,gzinflate(base64_decode("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")))[ord($argn)%32-1],[in,at,er,al,es,th,ou,on,ic,ar]);


Try it online!

PHP, 1952 bytes

<?=ucfirst($argn),explode(_,strtr("rtif8i3 am1eurs, 9en't 1 3l amaz0g An3yt83ly, I assault, anim1e 50gs_roken b9ri2s b6nded by 5e bomb be1 Build0gs 9e broken, bas83ly I'm bomb9d0g_asu3ly cre1e c1astroph4, casu3ti4 Cancel0g c1s got 5ey canopi4 collaps0g_et71e a dime of dank daily do0' d6gh Dem7str1i7s, D7 Dada 7 5e down low_10g o52 editors wi5 each and ev2y en2get8 Epilept8 episode, elev1ed etiquette_uri6s, f1, fabul6s, fantast8 Flurri4 of funk felt feed0g 5e fan18s_ift got gre1, glob3 goods g7e glori6s Gett0' godly 0 his game wi5 5e gori4t_it em high, hella height, histor83 Hey holocaust h0ts, he9 'em holl2 1 y6r homeboy_mit1ors idolize, I 0timid1e In a' 0stant, I'll rise 0 a' ir1e st1e_u8ed 7 my jams like Jh2i curls jock0' jo0ts Justly, it's just me, writ0g my j6rn3s_0dly I'm k0dl0g 3l k0ds of 0k 7 K91e k8k type Brits 0 my k0gdom_et me live a l7g life, lyr83ly l4s7s is le9ned Lame l6s4 just lose to my liv2y_y m0d mak4 m9vel6s mov4, mass4 M9vel and move, many mock wh1 I've mast2ed_iggas nap know0g I'm n8e, n1ur3ly Knack, nev2 lack, make noise n1i73ly_p21i7, oppositi7, off not opti73 Out of sight, 6t of m0d, wide beam0g opt83s_2fected poem, pow2ful punchl04 Pummel0g Petty powd2 puffs 0 my prime_uite qua0t quot4 keep quiet it's Quannum Qu9rel2s a0't got a qu9t2 of wh1 we got, uh_e3ly raw raps, ris0 up rapidly Rid0g 5e rush0g radioactivity_up2 scientif83 s6nd se9ch s6ght Silenc0g sup2 fire saps 51 9e soft_34 ten tim4 t3ented, too t6gh Take 51, ch3leng2s, get a tune up_niv2s3, unique, unt6ched Unadult21ed, 5e raw uncut_2b v8e lord v8tori6s v3id Viol1e vib4 51 9e va0, make em vanish_hy I'm 3l well, wh1 a wise wordsmi5 just Weav0g up words, weeded up 7 my workshift_2ox, my X-radi1i7 hol4 extra l9ge X-height lett2s and xyloph7e t74_ellow-back, yak m65, y6ng 74' yaws Y4t2day's lawn y9ds3e, I yawned_ig-Zag zombi4, zoom0g to 5e zeni5 Z2o 0, zen 56ghts, ov2ze36s rhyme ZEA-LOTS!",[in,at,er,al,es,th,ou,on,ic,ar]))[ord($argn)%32-1];


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Jelly, 1052 1050 bytes

Oị“>ḤĖwỌḞaỌHtṂþÐṿɼ×ƙ\ṀẸqė\ȧIɓịżʂñ"ḃ⁺ụPE4ĿɲɗŀÐ“¡Ƭ£BrjŒ⁷ḷḊwṡxṙṀrẇp[ṣİ|ḲṬ⁹ⱮØẎ9ṙ“¡Npḥ8Þṿfeṗẋ⁶ż⁹ẎUøịẹYḄnṁ7ZMnb~pOṙɗḣ(Œøṙụ;ḥ⁸ƇṚỊsẎʋðỴİc⁽Ċ“jɲḷȦẒḲƑzRṀ7¥(æċȧƭḶZṘḄƤ¬?^ḞƙṾƲq“S£÷ƑØQQʠaƭỴȤ_TỴkɦṛ¥gṄĿ²ṆḍḣṾ2ɓṘ ,“¡ẏŒpḌBḢ/c{ḶẒẠf%nM⁼ṃṫQʂrɱṿ¬4ɱUƘMẸṛŻƬÑ“¡Ɱ1ṣḞµ⁶ỌrTXçYṗ$Ȥẋ-ocñƲ“Ñ³{gøUƤ5]ẈṂȮɦµṂTœỌŒ1/Ẇ~œy2¦æƲȧ€ƝGb“€ẉ⁹6¬ƁṡLæẏẏẹyƈ"ð~¢5_Ɲḣ⁸¶mẇn⁷S9EṃẈM'}0ⱮƁṘṢŀ"¬U#~+ẋV“.¹ṗẸ6æAWḣ⁺tɼZĿẓṃẎ⁽C#ẇṣṡẆX½⁵ỵ€⁼µþȦ/]ȥṪ1“~Ṇẇ{KH9kẉḊẠ¢ỊẇLṖṛPḤ£\tkŻbḍṀPJ¡ȧṚ~QNNØ}ȷṬ“¢jÇṘ4ḥs"⁼ụ¦ṣƭRḤḍḄ$Ẉ9⁷JÞ,ẹƓ3ṡọRƓṃØ×ẠȮḞẹ+hṫ}5[ĿpQƇ(“-G>ɦɼ⁽⁷ĿtḌŒƤifLƥƒẠḄḊɲɲðṭŀRṚ-*ƭṭyƝ(Ṙḣ“¡o|ỤṛỊ iżẈṄʂtÞ⁵x⁵ⱮṫE⁾ḊıĖẹjp½ḳ{HlọḣoẎ“-ḃ]"ṅỊȮmJỵṖ<)ỴƝD_wȤ⁺ḣ4Mœnu⁴jḅȦ5“©ẆẸṡA*ßx⁹ƤƝO¹ṣUṡ4ė-ƲȤ⁾ḃKhTẸ⁵ḅ-⁻nẊẈ"nwỴß⁼ ɗ“ṡṖḟYIɱẉcẓ⁻tŻƊẎ- ṡİȮgṅƝ×®*çq¡þ⁹Xe“µÑe0Ƭ¦w$ƊIḶ1\"Ɗø,7v&€/$jṠƝȧḋẓœẆĠc“¢ȷCṁ$°ṬḅṿkėḣC{AịB£AtṅẊRWGḂ2µ9ḌUḣœ⁵mⱮṛ⁷ṙḄḟkẆ¦œ“ƭÆ|ƤBċȦlĊæʠȥiƒ.nżṘḃọṬµṛHⱮW^ṗɲḄbX{ḊṾ3ḃʂ5⁸Ẇẓ)ẹ“¦+8ɼġtịḂZṄ⁽ƙḍṄØM.ƙḞȥU$İ¶r¡ṅ¦3Ṗ£|ƘẎẋḌF÷ẋ⁵“⁹ƓBrḍṆdmṫ©ⱮĠ£ƬƘḟ}ėm9ʂaȧQ÷ɲṭẒḃĿƒỊ,ṛ0¬¿Ɠẉṛr!rƑWĠƭ¢/,⁼ẋ'o“@⁶⁵*ƊÇṡḳƈ/ƒĿĠỌ59KɼẸṅ¦⁶Ġƙ'ƒjḶV¡Pḃ÷Ḷıʋʋḣ³8Ẇs“ȷṪjLZ÷\ĠṫĊɼƒiB½mṾf÷²ṭ³¦ṇḷµœ¢żA¢,Mḷȷ¢æⱮBḥṿḥ£İ“¡EȷịḢ/"µİ3ȧÆỴʂJ]Uƈ{Ṙ]¿þLÞƇe/ẏ⁸ƒ÷œTḃṠyuṫḍ0ɠẸ“¢ṂṖ^YḳN:⁵ẓ⁴⁸ịṚ(NṫCṭḂḷcʂW¦ṅƇẓḷ¥b⁵QSYŀ⁽×»


Try it online!

-2 thanks to Jonathan Allan.

Accepts uppercase.

Ironic that only the first three bytes do the real work this program doesn't do any real work, isn't it?

(tfw when it takes you more than an hour and a half but the result is perfect)

• An hour and a half?! :o I'm humbled that you would spend so much time on it :) – Shaggy Jun 16 '17 at 14:26
• @Shaggy Most of it was generating the 1048 bytes at the end. – Erik the Outgolfer Jun 16 '17 at 14:28
• Save two bytes by only accepting lowercase and using Oinstead of ØWw - indexing into your list rotated left by 8. – Jonathan Allan Jun 17 '17 at 12:08
• @JonathanAllan Ooh great idea...but then I prefer uppercase so I'd rotate to the right by 12. – Erik the Outgolfer Jun 17 '17 at 12:13

Octave, 22322214 2176 bytes

This is an anyonymous function with one huge string hardcoded. The different outputs are separated by a ) which is then used in strsplit.

@(n)strsplit("Artificial amateurs (...) overzealous rhyme ZEA-LOTS!",')'){n-96}


Try it online!

• Umm, the whole code actually fits in. – Erik the Outgolfer Jun 16 '17 at 12:19
• I got an error messages when I tried to include the code, feel free to try it yourself. (Actually I think it would not even be that interesting to see the rest of the code) – flawr Jun 16 '17 at 12:36
• Then how is it 2176 bytes? Post limit is 30k chars. – Erik the Outgolfer Jun 16 '17 at 12:42
• Don't ask me, all I know is that I got an (unspecific) error message when I tried to submit that. – flawr Jun 16 '17 at 13:09
• Maybe it has to do with the TIO link's length? That's still not too long though... weird... – HyperNeutrino Jun 16 '17 at 13:27

SOGL V0.12, 1038992 991 bytes

Ƨ, "&↑A○f8▓⁵√¹⅟²px∫Uw2ƧΚιx,═hνtεI   =*f⅞aG░‛I:┘'┘‽ΟΨ▲cμ⌠└ιŗY]š⅝&◄⅞▓æCæ»TUΓ↔τ┼≥{_‰ī(*#ģ↑ι<d^¹≈4┘¡ēY←z▓Β6→y⌠$<\ē⁵owD╬#οīλ3ņ┼┘Τ‰±╥μΛš^»KƧ↑³g(y.℮ēDī*█┘E>Ν,±→ø¶ΦKƨS⅝p□D>mƨYψCκΧū╥ō⌠d#╗ΞΡ⅝¬℮te%ΝH↑]ÆυΔ⅔;ΦVO⁹}≈Rōøυ#»→▒⁄w⌡σX╔⁾560yķψ┌λTHļķ:‛ļ:Ι≠sē8□v׀N‽MXσ&⁶┌■ qŗ3C‽Βσ4:Mk{∆▒ΨƧB ;uΡ│ΣV«ŗ╤f⌡E│?æ^νΠ‚H2ō6J>uΓηΣg.R╗|$R‼↑⅞▓^tlM║⁄bd9↔▒┐^Υ|πc⁷ø○āΟ‰□28O╤>V]lαÆøΡω┼|hΦWīūEξ5M¾(Y□ξ§+d¼r▒ģƧ╔ūl■ΡΝž@h∑κ⁸<K▼α≈βī‚⁰⁽N∙!⅟EΜ²█V¾>ΩΒEt═δ√qΛ≡w]ē↔Π⁾ΤXΒ7←η╬¶┌‰RVDΥζVΒ±%÷¤ν↔2Ζ'∙;σ¶▓m⁾ΧqΥ-Ƨυ)┐θ∫%ψτ:←√′\Ay+‰≡≈ÆMāT┼5eτ^²─κGΘ⁷¾ayψJΘ׀G↓⅜!╔¡┌*«η[░≤k║ŗ«ΘθλΖ○Η▓|ūΕ╚↓ψƧ⅜λO¶μ⁽φ⁹╝╔Z⁽╥Σ←°e+)l$»≡≡m*≡ΞΤ‽|°eŗ)3²žΛ@crO1G└ZPvƧē√≡ΣGα.Σē╝Γ⌠ķa3J¹∞'√ā⅛νξwΤ³░ κē=mģσ↔║¶øø$!π+≡⁵⁴y▒'R≥Æķ+²⁸ēΖ⁄⅛↑↑A▲}<I‼⌠Ξ′╤Β¬C+■∫ο½⅞ΝL,#rΞ█↕ο∫8rL°νnc▼Γ)═^{Φ⅟ε³‛℮lƧčGP¾3◄Ω╗g2FAm׀λ\$╗→rWΖ17⅜⌡◄Ič    εt≥q℮′?Æ>┐Τ'ņ¬V→⅔O¼■┼q,‼Β∆∆№ģW■°~¬l⁹ōJbbΘpRņžψ∞ζč╥⁵σθ≈≥⁸¤JÆε5]○¾f׀№ģ§:⅝æT¡⁷ΛΖΨ≤⅝χυ¼š:ÆΛ½±FυΚξū^ΧģƧ'↑KžΨ⁄²I;:χ~Ν(»%γp‽iξC⅝°§Ω≤lδ¦┼}℮≠lχ3╬L¦⁴Ο:gBš╔¶¤:ģMC%u÷⁴┘žYƧΣ0‛⁶0Δ.e_?[─9Νκ⅔⁷}ΦW#_↓δv≥╔Z⅞y4‽ūψqiΖW⁴ƨΡφ%7√‰η²¤š⁷╥⅞5┼/⅜ΔοΦR¾§l¶←∞‰σl1⅛!⁄⁴′νιvk⅓⁴⅛▓ε↑δ@╗ \η!└⅝S0┌²⁰≥¦⁵‘┐Θz,Ww#Θ⁾


sub-1000!
Splitting what is a word and what's a character took a while...

Explanation:

Ƨ,                 push ", "
"...‘           push https://gist.github.com/dzaima/3053b8f0222593b8fc4f5cd177ae6dec and replace all ŗs with ", "s
┐Θ         split on "|"
z,W      get inputs index in the lowercase alphabet
w     gets that item from the array
#Θ   split on " (becuase quote has a single-char push command)
⁾  sentence case (uppercases the 1st letters)
`

Try it here! or test all test-cases! (warning: can take a while)

• Nice work getting under 1k. Got a TIO or equivalent where I can test this? – Shaggy Jun 16 '17 at 15:35
• @Shaggy SOGL is widely known to be under too heavy development so dzaima himself has decided against it iirc. – Erik the Outgolfer Jun 16 '17 at 15:36
• @Shaggy ^ yep. But to think of it, actually, it's possible that no more everything breaking updates are coming, so it might be possible sometime in the near future. – dzaima Jun 16 '17 at 15:38
• @Shaggy Expect a SOGL online javascript implementation in ~15h (it's midnight now :/). It's mostly done (e.g. this program works), but I'd say that that's the most that works. – dzaima Jun 16 '17 at 21:41