Pyth, 230 bytes

Oc"Yup	You doubt me?	Of course	... did I miss something?	plz send teh coffee	Watching this endless list of new questions never gets boring	Kinda sorta	You should totally drop that and use jQuery	¯\_(\u30C4)_/¯	... good question"\	

Try it online!

Fun fact: If you used a "packed" string, the byte count would jump up to 388.s.

Pyth, 230 bytes

Oc"Yup	You doubt me?	Of course	... did I miss something?	plz send teh coffee	Watching this endless list of new questions never gets boring	Kinda sorta	You should totally drop that and use jQuery	¯\_(\u30C4)_/¯	... good question"\	

Try it online!

Fun fact: If you used a "packed" string, the byte count would jump up to 388.

Pyth, 232 bytes

Oc"Yup	You doubt me?	Of course	... did I miss something?	plz send teh coffee	Watching this endless list of new questions *never* gets boring	Kinda sorta	You should totally drop that and use jQuery	¯\_(\u30C4)_/¯	... good question"\	

Try it online!

Fun fact: If you used a "packed" string, the byte count would jump up to 388.

Also, the program above is the actual program. In TIO, it runs a previous version of the program before I knew never actually had asterisks.

Pyth, 230 bytes

Oc"Yup	You doubt me?	Of course	... did I miss something?	plz send teh coffee	Watching this endless list of new questions never gets boring	Kinda sorta	You should totally drop that and use jQuery	¯\_(\u30C4)_/¯	... good question"\	

Try it online!

Fun fact: If you used a "packed" string, the byte count would jump up to 388.s.

Pyth, 232 bytes

Oc"Yup	You doubt me?	Of course	... did I miss something?	plz send teh coffee	Watching this endless list of new questions *never* gets boring	Kinda sorta	You should totally drop that and use jQuery	¯\_(\u30C4)_/¯	... good question"\	

Try it online!

Fun fact: If you used a "packed" string, the byte count would jump up to 388.

Pyth, 232 bytes

Oc"Yup	You doubt me?	Of course	... did I miss something?	plz send teh coffee	Watching this endless list of new questions *never* gets boring	Kinda sorta	You should totally drop that and use jQuery	¯\_(\u30C4)_/¯	... good question"\	

Try it online!

Fun fact: If you used a "packed" string, the byte count would jump up to 388.

Also, the program above is the actual program. In TIO, it runs a previous version of the program before I knew never actually had asterisks.